Living a life that is not yours

There are many things which I love about NVC, but I was reminded of one of them in particular quite recently – of how lovely it is to just say simply and clearly exactly what I really mean.

It sounds obvious doesn’t it? Something that can only be supportive of rich and powerful communication that engenders trust.  Yet my experience is that for a large portion of the time this is not what we as humans do!!! And before I learnt NVC, it certainly wasn’t what I did!

If you’ve been around NVC for awhile then you might well understand what I’m talking about when I say this, but for those of you who haven’t, I’ll clarify.

When we use NVC we speak from the heart of what we really mean when we communicate. In contrast, so much “everyday” common communication (without NVC) can often be blurred by:

  • trying to make something sound appealing to someone so they will want to do what we want them to;
  • trying to please others so they will like us;
  • trying not to say something that will offend someone;
  • trying to give excuses of why we can’t do something that we don’t want to;
  • trying to show others how we have done so much for them that they should now say “yes” to what we would like;
  • trying to not actually ask for what we want but hint at it so it will seem that the other person will magically give us what we want without our asking;
  • and many other forms of subtle (and not!) maneuvers to get what we want.

In essence, years and decades and centuries and milleniums of various forms of conditioning have taught us to hide or twist what we really wish to reveal and therefore, even when we are communicating with ourself, we can’t ACTUALLY BE CONNECTED WITH OUR OWN HEART!  It can be almost impossible to see the reality of who we are and what we truly want.

And so we inadvertently live a life that is not actually ours to live.

The practice and use of NVC however, teaches us to move into alignment with who we each uniquely are. It reflects back to us our true motivations and desires and as such, we are able to see ourselves more clearly. We develop an inner trust and confidence and can speak clearly from this self awareness. We trust our own unique expression and journey.

And in this way, we never have to be anything but authentic.

What a relief!!!

It’s one of the reasons I was so drawn to NVC all those years ago. And as I change and grow, it continues to evolve me to who I am here to be and reminds me of what is important to me now.

With love,