I want to share with you this powerful video from Chen Miller. I’m so moved by it.
She is a teacher who had a boy in her class who hissed and spat and seemed really angry. Yet how she SAW him made ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Once again, it reminds me that how we SEE each other matters. How we SEE our children, our partners, our workmates, makes all the difference in how we connect. It’s not so much what we SAY, rather we are communicating with what we DON’T say. We are communicating our feelings and judgments – always.
When we say one thing, but mean another, people just know. Something inside them doesn’t sit quite right. And intuitively they know not to trust our words. Instead, they trust what they are sensing.
When we see each other as “broken”, that is what we are communicating. And the other person is likely to respond to THAT. When we KNOW each other as whole and brilliant and incredible then THAT is what we communicate, with or without words.
That is why I love NVC so much. It asks me to be aware of where I am incongruent. Where I am still – oh so subtly – judging and blaming another OR myself. It asks me to become more present to this incongruence and come back to wholeness and see the wholeness in me and the wholeness in others. To see beneath the judgment of my thinking and instead to perceive the love that is actually really and truly asking for attention.
It gives me a clear way to untangle my judgment and come back to wholeness, and then supports me to communicate clearly in words from THAT.
It calls me to notice what Life that is asking for me to SEE… that I couldn’t see before because I was too busy making someone wrong or lesser than, or thinking that they needed to be “helped” or “fixed” in some way. It helps me see that all someone is really wanting in the moment, no matter how tragic their expression is, is care, or to be heard, or belonging, or to matter, or equality, or to be understood, or empathy, or rest, or some other life expanding need.
When I really see this divine quality in another, something in me also comes back into wholeness, into love, into true compassion and expansion. I give to myself what I am giving to someone else.
This shift seems subtle, yet it’s probably the most potent power for change on this planet that there is. It is the remedy for all wars, for all conflict, for all trauma, and it is the antidote for lack of self worth, underachievement, and poverty. It is why shifting our awareness at this time is so crucial.
Almost every single day I hear from people who have discovered their own beauty through this awareness… and how it has rippled out to everyone in their lives.
And I’m so inspired by them.
Just like Chen Miller… We are amazing humans.
I’d love to hear how this video of Chen is for you.
[In my next post I’ll share how this made a very real difference with my son… ]